I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
