i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My life is pants optional.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
