Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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