Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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