I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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