he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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