Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
