It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
