My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
