just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
