I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
