I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I puked a lego.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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