woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
