i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We are all done wearing pants today
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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