I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
