final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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