Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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