ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
