I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
