whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
