Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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