I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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