Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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