and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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