Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
