I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
