remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
