i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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