Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
