just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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