My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize