is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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