My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
