I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
