There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
