is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
