They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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