Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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