How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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