Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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