just tell him i said nine months
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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