alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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