drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
