So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
