he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Don't EVER smell your tampon
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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