He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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