I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
