I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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