We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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