and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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