Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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