chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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