Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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