i don't like sucking hair
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
These tits shall not be calmed
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
