I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
