Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
