when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
