tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
