I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
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Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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