The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Randomize
